What happened outside the Turkish ambassador’s residence in Washington this week was my kind of “brawl.” That’s what the stupid Fake News kept calling it, after my friend Recep sent his security guys in to beat down the probably hired protestors, and then watched happily as they kicked and punched defenseless civilians senseless.

This is what I encouraged at all of my rallies. “Beat the hell out of ‘em” I said. If these hired peaceniks come in, I say knock them down on the ground from behind or with sucker punches, and then kick and stomp their faces and heads till they break. Gang up on them. This works even better when you have highly trained security guys, which I’ve always had plenty of. If you’ve been paying attention, you’ve probably noticed that I am a physical coward. When a fight breaks out, I duck and run for cover, and look for my security guys. But I love to watch a fight.

A “brawl” means there’s some back and forth, like it’s a contest. You don’t want that. That’s for losers. Erdogan’s guys waded in to this peaceful protest and hurt people, fast, in ways that are going to take a long time to heal. That’s the right way to do it.

If I want to see a contest, I’ll buy a football team. This is why I always loved my man Mike Tyson. His fights, at least in the beginning, were never “contests.” They were beatdowns. They were punishments. He went in and injured people, right away. If it’s a “contest,” that means you could lose, which means you’re a loser.

I learned a lot in the casino business, and the biggest thing I learned was that if you think you’re going to play a game and win, you’re a loser. You win by running the game. You win by being the House, and the House never loses. Unless it’s the House run by that loser Paul Ryan.

I was born rich, so I’ve always been able to buy muscle. And believe me, bought muscle is much better than your own muscle. It hurts to get hit. It’s much better to pay other people to hit and get hit for you. That’s why I like this guy Erdogan: because he understands this in a deep way. And he enjoys it. I think he and Putin and I are going to get along just fine.

Friday, May 19, 2017