often it has hit me over the years when various French philosophers write abt how great the various states of madness addiction etc are

they are looking from a safe outside–even I imagine when working w such people

not being addicts–they do not know jack shit abt it

let alone the daily having to deal with living below poverty line the situations persons one is among

living it–

the outrage one has at times explosive in extreme

at same time to live with love in one’s being for life for all that is

to live with love and rage outrage–

to clear mind and being of the memories the terrible things one has done the pain inside the depression one falls into black endless depths elude the psychosis had for over a year or so

I always laugh though as I recall the words said at close of aa meetings na also

but aa esp–


so I do–



. . .

where its dark as a dungeon

damp as the dew

where the dangers are double

and the pleasures are few


damn now getting words mixed up


like a fiend with his dope

and a drunkard his wine

men will have lust

for the lure of the mines

don’t know why the heck that passed through my mind haven’t heard it in a million years

NOVALIS–great  German romantic writer fascinated by mines minerals crystals–beautiful writer–

onwo/ards ever

the light that is–