After seeing the review of thirty-something M. Fitzgerald’s poetry in the NYT that day, much-older M. Johnson wrote the same M. Fitzgerald, a co-founder of the Ashbery Home School and Poetry Editor of LitHub, asking him if he might have any leads regarding the authorship of the mysterious “Ashbery” poems at Dispatches. M. Fitzgerald wrote back in less than a minute to say that, No, the poems were certainly not M. Ashbery’s poems. And furthermore, he wrote in a quick follow-up, he, M. Fitzgerald, had never actually heard of M. Johnson before, who seemed either “mildly insulting” in his presumption, or else unintentionally “clumsy.” M. Johnson, mildly surprised that M. Fitzgerald had not heard of him, since both had been published by the now-defunct Starcherone Books, or so M. Johnson mistakenly thought at the time, then wrote back to M. Fitzgerald, congratulating him on the passive-aggressive barb, and asking, with humorous intent, if it was not curious, given M. Fitzgerald’s undoubted talent, growing prominence, and carefully curated social-media presence–qualities far exceeding M. Johnson’s–that M. Fitzgerald’s Wikipedia Page Views consistently clocked in at an even lower count than M. Johnson’s own modest Wikipedia numbers, and how could that be, wasn’t it odd, for M. Johnson had just gone there to check, after learning that M. Fitzgerald had never heard of him. Might it be, implied M. Johnson with a virtual wink, that as many people had heard of M. Johnson as had heard of M. Fitzgerald, even if M. Fitzgerald had never-ever heard of him? M. Fitzgerald, apparently not taking this in humorous spirit, then assured M. Johnson that no one listened to anything M. Johnson said, anyway, or something like that. M. Johnson then called M. Fitzgerald a “real piece of post-avant work,” a somewhat campy and theatrical thing to proffer, by any standards, and offered to publish the entire glove-slapping exchange they’d been having on the following day at Dispatches. M. Fitzgerald then quickly wrote back to say he in no way would grant permission to M. Johnson for anything of the sort. M. Johnson then said OK, buckaroo, I’ll just paraphrase it, more or less. Then M. Johnson wrote a couple more emails, indicating that it had just dawned on him that M. Fitzgerald’s unqualified certainty that M. Ashbery had not written the poems probably had something to do with the fact that M. Fitzgerald–along with others in the small group of poets known as the Sons of John–has access to the Great Sphinx himself. Has M. Ashbery himself denied it directly, perhaps? asked M. Johnson. M. Fitzgerald then fell mysteriously silent, refusing, apparently, any further communication with one so Clumsy as M. Johnson. Though as mentioned, and in M. Fitzgerald’s undoubted favor, the NYT has in the past couple days published a glowing article of M. Fitzgerald’s poetry, confirming his ascendancy, so his Wikipedia numbers are now probably shooting through the roof, climbing the charts like a song about Time by Cyndy Lauper, leaving M. Johnson in the dust of oblivion, in that category, too.