Dear Emily Post-Avant,

Have you seen the latest Paris Review Daily post by Anthony Madrid, whom you gently teased in your post of November 30, on Jorge Luis Borges? It’s up today: Emily Post-Avant: On Anthony Madrid, Borges, Scary Coins, Spanish Grammar, Homophones, Religious Semiotics, Fictional Hermeneutics, and Pessoa, 11/21/19

He be like all definitely throwing some shade your way! Nellie Oleson, C’est Moi

Won’t you tell us what you think? Pretty please?

–English Major at Montclair State University

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Dear English Major at Montclair State University,

Hey, do you know Michael Robbins? I believe he teaches there. I knew Michael before my big life-change. He’s a sweet, if difficult boy. I love how his poems go MICK/DICK; CLANG/BANG; CAT/MAT. He is the Long-Eye-Lashes Prince of Rime. Around fifteen years ago, I wrote about both him and Anthony and said they each would one day be famous. And then, don’t blink, they were famous! I am happy for them. Even if in one hundred years they’ll be like that song “Dust in the Wind,” by Kansas, while I’ll have a fifty-foot statue of myself in front of the Poetry Foundation. (Is that the right use of “myself,” there, or should it be “me”? Whatever.)

Yes, I had seen the post today by Anthony. I take the tour de force as a high compliment, even if it comes giftwrapped in a cement casing of derision and with a cyanide-dipped purple bow of passive aggression. Really, I have to say: I now like the young man more than ever. He clearly still has some work to do in the area of toughening up his hide–after all, is it that big of a deal I called out his knock-kneed, puerile semiotics? But in many respects (and as he himself admits) he really is very much like me! We be two tease peas in a pod.

I am on the way to my salon (it is called “The Hair Hospital”) to have my locks curled à la Nellie. I want to look like the little bitch does in the shot (on the left), above Anthony’s post. I’m taking my phone so I can show Pierre, who does my hair.

Be good.

–Emily Post-Avant