There was a time when I was young

And surely marked for History.

In school I drank and had great fun,

Exploring ancient prosody.

My favs were taunting epigrams

And soon I came to imitate

A Roman bard on Instagram!

The more I wrote, the more I ate,

And as I ate, I also drank.

Which got me skunked on Match.com,

Along with rep of mean old skank,

Among the peeps of Charles and Ron.

The matter’s one of life or death:

The path of satire’s worse than meth.